Monica Batiste

Companionship and community are essential to Monica Batiste personal and artistic practice – and haven’t always come easily to her throughout some of the most isolating and desolate moments throughout her life.

Living with depression and experiencing anxiety attacks meant a preferred career as a dancer on stage was no longer an option and Monica’s desire to follow her intuition helped her to carve a new career path.

“As a teenager I started having panic attacks, which changed my trajectory. I could no longer perform, I wanted to be an artist and a dancer, but I couldn’t physically do the dancing which led me to a career as a fitness instructor.”

“I went through long periods of feeling suicidal and in a very dark place and it took a fair few years of being in that dark place before, by chance, I met someone who told me about fitness instructing and I had this ‘zinging’, intuitive feeling that it was what I needed to do – what I needed to pursue.”

“I followed that intuition, which is something I have always done – I used to do it infrequently but now I have learned to follow my intuition even if it’s just ‘choose this song’, ‘choose this drink’ – 'wear this today’ I follow my intuition because it’s led me to this really good place. Even when I was in my darkest of moments, intuition led me out. My higher self, my angels, always with me and guiding me.”

“I could still move with music but there was less anxiety of performing. I still do fitness instructing, it’s been very good for my mental health, because exercise boosts your endorphins and the feeling of being seen - it helps me to feel seen as a teacher and helps me with connection, as people connect with the teacher.”

Monica describes her mental health challenges presenting themselves in early childhood due to feelings of rejection and loneliness.

“As a child I experienced a lot of fear, I was afraid and lonely and isolated a lot of the time. Even though I had a brother and sister and parents, I felt like I was an unwanted child. I didn’t make friends easily, which is probably still the case, I don’t bring friends close easily.”

“There were several traumatic events in my childhood that contributed to these feelings and then at about 11 I started to feel the physical symptoms of depression and my family didn’t talk about trauma or feelings."

"My parents demonstrated you just shut things out and keep going – they both had war experiences and their own mental health struggles. The general attitude was to keep it in the past and keep walking – but it eventually catches up with you.”

Finding a trusted counsellor in her thirties was a huge shift and helped Monica realise her mental health journey could be shared and acknowledged.

“I told someone my story and she didn’t reject me. I kept telling her my stories and she kept loving me and holding me and holding the space for me and that really helped me understand that it wasn’t my fault, and I am OK and I am still loveable.”

The process of making and community surrounding the creation of art is evidently essential to Monica’s artistic journey and often the subject matter of her paintings and artist blogs surrounding the process on her personal website reflect these connections.

Afternoon Tea is about new friends, new paintings and new beginnings and was created at an art workshop Monica attends on the Gold Coast.

“Every time I go to workshops I meet new artists – there is always anxiety before meeting someone new or going somewhere new whether I’ll be accepted. The workshops I attend are such a calm, welcoming space that everyone feels welcome and accepted.”

“It’s important for artists to get together, art can be isolating, and I always work better when there is someone else, being on my own is not easy – being with others is always easier for me.”

“I think one can treat art as a friend, someone who is always there to listen to you, take your stories and express your stories. You can choose to share them or not - there are a lot of paintings and drawings I don’t exhibit that are more about my personal experiences and pain."

"Painting and drawing are a way to get these feelings out – put them on paper so they can be released. Even though they may not be released fully, it helps them on their journey.”

Monica will be exhibiting for the first time in 2024 as part of the Recovered Futures exhibition and will be showcasing her works Afternoon Tea and New Beginnings.

 

Afternoon Tea by Monica Batiste